Great white hunter

An African village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its
leaders sent a message to Marriott-Smalley, the great white
hunter, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it
never showed up. Finally, he told the tribal chief to kill a
cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his
shoulders, Marriott-Smalley went to the pasture to wait for
the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound
of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they
carefully approached, they saw Marriott-Smalley lying there,
groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

"What happened? Where is the lion? asked the chief.

"Forget the lion!" the hunter howled. "Which of you morons
let the bull loose?"

A night out with "The Boys"

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys".
I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ... promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At
around 2:30 am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in
the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9
times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick witty solution, even
when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her
twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why, she said

"Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit,"
cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another
3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted.